I know it sounds incredible, but this is how it happenedâŚ.
I was flipping channels on my Fake News cable box, hunting/searching for a morsel of something tasty, digestible and real, when suddenly there was a strange buzzing in my ears, I felt a bit dizzy, I lay down on my sofa, and I heard a high-pitched, electronic-like voiceâsome static, I mean–messaging:
âYou there? Hello?â
âYeahâŚ, itâs meâŚ. I, ah, I ah⌠who is this? And, ah, what are you doing in my head?â
âNo worries mate,â says the voice in high-pitched Australianese. âThis is Dugan. From, Xanthum Gum. Youâre being channeled!â
âWhat? Why me? And, what the hell is this? Some new cable service I did not request?â
âNo need for alarm. Youâve been selected among the 7-odd billion earthlings to receive this transmissionâŚâ
âOkay, itâs a good joke! AhâŚhold on a minute, will you?â
I looked out my window. No drones in sight. No chemtrails in the sky. Somewhere between wonder and alarm, fear and amusementâbemused!âI decided to take a chance; play along.
âYou wonât find anything out there,â the voice assured me. âThis is one-on-one. Youâve been selected. Youâre being channelled. From Xanthum Gum.â
âWhere the hell is Xanthum Gum?â
âA galaxy far, far awayâŚ. A time way, way back.â
âWhat the hell kind of name is âXanthum GumââŚfor a planet?!â
âWhat the hell kind of name is âEarthâ?â
âItâs got âheartâ in it; and âartââŚâ
âAnd âtear.â All kinds of tears!âŚ. And Xanthum Gum has âhumanâ in it. Maybe thatâs our connectionâŚ.â
âYeahâŚ. OkayâŚ. So?â
âSoâŚ.â
âHold on a minute, will you? Iâve had the TV on mute while weâre talkingâŚ.â
âI knowâŚ. By the way, the word is âchannelingâânot âtalkingââŚ.â
âYeahâŚrightâŚwhateverâŚ.â
I turned up the sound to catch the âBreaking News.â The station was breaking into its live coverage of Nikki Haley at the UN, condemning the âSyrianâ chemical attack on civilians in order to tell all of us credulous listeners about Stormy Danielâs latest revelations about her affair with Trump and her âallegedâ hush moneyâŚ.
No! That wasnât it, either! That was just background noiseâthe lead-up. The real âbreaking newsâ was that Trumpâs personal lawyer had had his offices ransacked and documents seized because of that alleged pay-off to the stripper to keep her mouth shut about that alleged affair some ten years ago! And somehow it was all related to the Mueller investigation!
âYou call that news?â said Dugan in my head.
âPretty pathetic, isnât it?â
âFor that they interrupt news about a chemical attack on civilians and the possibility of a major war? Even a nuclear war?â
âYeah,â I sighed. âIt makes me ashamed to call myself American!â
âOr human?â
I nodded. And answered in my head: âYeahâŚ.â
âI mean,â channeled Dugan: âWhereâs the beef?…. I mean, donât you have to have credible sources of information, reliable witnessesâall that? Before declaring war?â
âWe used to think soâŚ. Now itâs just accuse, confuse and abuseâŚ.â
âIâm not sure youâre gonna make itâŚ. your species, I meanâŚ.â
âNeither am IâŚ.â
âWellâŚ.â
âYeahâŚ.â
âSoâŚ.â
âYeahâŚ. You wanted to tell me something? I meanâŚ.â
âOf courseâŚ. The channelingâŚ. Youâll get this to the right people, wonât you?â
âOnly the bestâŚ.â
âIt may shed some lightâŚ.â
âAs Ross Perot used to say, âIâm all ears!ââ
I could have sworn I heard something like a high-pitched chuckle on the other end. âSo are we,â laughed Dugan. âWeâve got 4 of themâŚ. 4 eyes, too!â
âWe used to call kids with glasses, â4-eyesâ!â
âWe knowâŚ. That would amuse us!â
âWhat else can you tell me about yourself?â
âWeâre highly evolved, of course. Much higher than you. Weâve been around much longer. Weâre organic and high-tech/ITâmacrobiotic, macro-conscious, androidal, androgynous, amphibious, ambidextrous, and, for the fun of it–somewhat ambivalent and ambiguous! But, we make it work! The best of both worldsâŚall worlds, really. Weâre in touch with beings across our galaxyâand now yours. Weâve been watching your developmentâyour evolution and devolution, your yin and yangâsince your Cro Magnon days. In spite of numerous setbacksâhorrors, really!âwe thought there was hope for youâŚ. Now, weâre not sureâŚ.â
âYouâre here to save us?â
âOh, noâŚ. We canât do that! The âPrime Directive,â and all that! Only you can do that! I mean, you-plural. Acting together. You knowâto save the planet! To save yourselves! Itâs âLove-it-or-Leave-itâ time!â
âBut, youâre here! I meanâin my head! Youâve got something to say, some guidance?â
âWe can help. Thatâs in our nature. We learned to manage our best natures.â
âAndâŚcan you teach us?….â
âYou already knowâŚ. Itâs in your âGood Bookâ.â
âWhich one?â
A slight chuckle on the other endâŚ. âThatâs true! Youâve had a fewâŚ. Inspired souls along the wayâŚ. And lots of bullshit, too!â
Resolutely: âYeahâŚ.â
ââA false balance is abomination to the Lord: but a just weight is His delight.â Thatâs the gist of it. Thatâs the one I meantâŚthe one I was thinking ofâŚ.â
âBalance?â
âYeahâŚ. âThe Marriage of Heaven and Hell.ââ
You know Blake?
âOf courseâŚ. He was one of us! A little make-up, voice-trainingâŚ. There were others, too.â
âDa Vinci?â
âSure.â
âKing?â
âMochiron!…. as they say in Japan!â
âElizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, andââ
âYes. Thatâs fine. Thatâs enough for nowâŚ. Now let me tell you what I want you to do.â
âSureâŚ.â
âYou go to the best news outlets you knowâŚand you tell them, âDonald Trump had sex with Xanthum Gumians!â
âHuh?â
âItâs âcognitive dissonanceâ. You humans are so fâcked-up now, you donât know what to believe, who to believeâŚ.â
âThatâs true, butâŚ.â
âYes, it is true, by the wayâŚ. Weâve got the tapes!â
âWhat?â
âIt all happened several years agoâlong before his candidacy.â
âButâŚ. ButâŚ.â
âYouâve got to be shocked! You âpeopleâ! Wars donât shock you anymore! Killing children doesnât shock you. Planetary devastation doesnâtâŚ. The obscene disparities between the disgustingly wealthy and the impoverished living in disgusting conditions! How do you break through? How do we break through? Divert, and convert.â
âInvent a story about a sexual diversion and thatâs going to save the planet?â
âThe implausible being plausible! âTell all the Truth, but tell it slant,â Emily Dickinson wrote.
âShe, too?â
âSureâŚ. One of usâŚ. Why do you think she preferred her hermit ways?â
âI donât knowâŚ.I meanâitâs so far-fetched!â
âBut itâs trueâŚ. I was thereâŚ.â
âYouâŚwereâŚwithâŚthe President?â
âHe wasnât President then. I told youâŚ.â
âIt wasâŚ. I meanâŚ. How was it?â
âAs âMy Fair Ladyâ sang: it was âloverlyâ.â
âThis is kind of hard to take in!â
âOf courseâŚ.â
I staggered off the sofa. âIâŚIâŚI need a drink,â I stammered.
âHelp yourself.â
I drank a glass of red wine, telling myself I needed the resveratrol to clear my head.
âHave a second,â said Dugan. âResveratrol and long life to you!â
âCheers!â I said to the empty room.
But it wasnât empty anymore. It was full of a cast of characters I knew from books and movies and TV. Unlikely characters, who played their parts and then were gone. Tragic characters and humorous ones. Laurel and Hardy and Charlie Chaplin, Hippocrates and Socrates, Jesus and Muhammad. All in the great whirl.
âAny clearer?â Dugan wondered.
I shook my head. âAt this pivotal, crucial moment in history, the evolution of our species, the fate of the Earth–I think we are all the problem!–the “masses,” the Left, the Right, the in-between, the elites, “educated,” and “uneducated,” Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, anarchist, Socialist, Capitalist, the too fat and the too thin! People “knew” more when Tom Paine was a pamphleteer than we “know” now with all our infotainment! We’re tainted with what we know and do not know. There are too many of us, too many clashing cymbals (and symbols).â
âThatâs right! Now youâve got it! Or at least youâre getting it! Clear the decks!â
I sighed audibly. âWith the fantastic? The unbelievable?â
âWhat else do you have?â
I sighed againâŚ. âAre you a woman?â I asked Dugan.
âDependsâŚ. Are you proposingâŚor propositioning?â Dugan answered.
âNo! Just wonderingâŚ.â
âIf thatâs what you preferâŚso be itâŚ.â
âBut what do you look like? I meanâbeyond the 4 ears and 4 eyes?â
âAnd 2 noses?â
âOh, Lord!â
Dugan laughed: âWhatever you want me to look like; however you want me to sound.â
âThen⌠youâre just in my headâŚ.â
âLittle man! Go to the desert! Go to the mountaintop! Behold your Milky Way in an unpolluted sky, flooded with stars and rivers of worlds, flowing beyond imagining. Just in your head? Can you still dare to imagine?â
Dr. Gary Corseri has published/posted articles, poems, fiction and dramas in hundreds of global periodicals and websites, including, VeteransNewsNow.com, Transcend Media Service, The New York Times, Village Voice, Countercurrents and Pressenza. He has performed his work at the Carter Presidential Library, and his dramas have been produced on PBS-Atlanta and elsewhere. He has published 2 novels, 2 collections of poems, and a literary anthology (edited). He has taught in US public schools and prisons, and in universities in the US and Japan. Contact: [email protected].
Gary Corseri has posted and published articles, fiction, poetry and dramas at Common Dreams, CounterPunch, Dissident Voice, The New York Times, Village Voice and hundreds of other venues internationally. His dramas have appeared on Atlanta-PBS and elsewhere.He has performed his work at the Carter Presidential Library.
His books include the novels, A Fine Excess: An Australian Odyssey and Holy Grail, Holy Grail: Quest East, Quest West
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